admin™
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Post by admin™ on Jan 6, 2016 9:53:25 GMT -5
Lying or Cheating in a relationship is not limited to sleeping with someone else. It’s also when you fantasize about someone else. When your thoughts are with someone else. It’s when you lie about being busy at work, but yet you find time to talk to someone else. It’s when you delete texts and calls that you made to another person. It’s when you can’t answer your partner’s questions and look into their eyes when they are speaking to you; you feel uncomfortable. You want to ignore what they are asking. Then after all this, you still try to please them. Cheating is lying about things and keeping secrets. You are doing things deliberately to hurt your Love, but you insist on doing it regardless and continue trying to hide it.~~Neena Gupta -
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 7:43:10 GMT -5
Mu ka lying cheating heart ermmm
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admin™
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Post by admin™ on Jan 26, 2016 0:36:07 GMT -5
mu mu muu......................
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admin™
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Post by admin™ on May 11, 2016 9:36:35 GMT -5
The trouble with lying and deceiving is that aside from putting forward a deliberately false statement and seeking to gain an advantage or to avoid something undesirable, is that the people who habitually lie and cheat are often supported by people who have faith in them and may even fight their corner.
When lying and cheating is uncovered, it’s devastating to the trusting believers because they’ve based their own version of reality on the lies and deception. They’ve interacted with these people and said, been and done certain things that by supporting these people, has actually helped them to gain further advantage.
Lies and deception give power while aggressively and passive aggressively robbing power from others. It’s like holding all or a lot of the cards and being privy to knowledge that the other parties aren’t. Like when you’re involved with someone who knows that they don’t want a relationship and that they don’t see you ‘like that’ but they say and do other things in order to keep you in their back pocket for rainy day entertainment and to pass time with. They’re not honest and upfront because they know that if they were, you would (hopefully – you’d be surprised how many take this as challenge) tell them to take a run and jump.
As I said to the Mr Unavailable who gave me my epiphany, “You had no right to decide that this was a scenario that I would be OK with.” We have a right to input. He could have told me the truth and I could in turn have chosen to proceed or back away but at least the choice would have been mine. Instead he veered between Future Faking or disappearing from time to time to take the heat off.
This doesn’t remove my own responsibility to assess the situation (it turns out it didn’t need a rocket scientist to work out what was going on) but there is a major issue around ‘obtaining goods by deception’ – when a person is running rings around you by blowing hot and cold, contradicting their actions and words, chasing you down when you call a spade a spade, and making out like you have them pegged wrong when you don’t, you start to get confused about what’s ‘up’ and ‘down’.
Uncovering lies and deception is like having to manage your own mind f*ckery. You end up ‘playing back the tapes’ and going over every word. It might feel like your eyes, ears and mind were deceiving you. You might have defended them. You might have listened to them vehemently deny what was actually true. You might have been called a “psychotic pregnant dog” (yep that happened to me) and you might never have suspected them of what they’ve been saying and doing. When you play things back, certain things start to make sense, you recognise the signs of the deception, and various conversations get dismantled. What was real? What was fake?
There are those of us who get blindsided, and there are those of us who get wounded while effectively participating in the deception. I’ve talked about this before in my post about how affairs are like being double-crossed on a heist. When it turns out that the deal is not the deal (our cut is not what we thought it was) or that they pretended that the deal was on and are claiming it’s off or delayed, but not because they’re liars and cheaters, but because, get this, we did something to put them off coming through. Yeah. Smooth.
This is when we discover that the same person who would cheat to be with us or to screw someone else over, will also cheat to keep us exactly where they want us.
Over the years of writing Baggage Reclaim, I’ve come across an astounding number of people who have known that they’re involved/dealing with someone who has a casual relationship with honesty – they don’t want to get all serious and be honest all of the time….
Look, I know that you’re not telling the truth to this person and that person or in certain situations but because I’m with you anyway and I’m choosing to see the best in you because I love you and am extending my care, trust, and respect to you, I expect that you won’t need to lie to me.
We also have a habit of believing that it’s the situation that makes the person lie and deceive – they’re made dishonest by circumstance. And right there you tap into a hidden belief that it’s OK to lie and deceive in certain circumstances, especially if love is involved. We start to make exceptions to our own morals.
Strangely enough, in spite of knowing that we’re with someone who lies and deceives, we’re often surprised when we discover that, yep, they’ve been lying to and deceiving us.
When people lie and deceive they share information on a need-to-know basis. They might dripfeed the truth (which is confusing because you think that the ‘drip’ is all of the truth and then further down the line you realise it’s drip, drip, drip), or they aggressively deny and clobber anyone or anything that pierces the carefully constructed illusions around their convoluted framework of truth and then they might ‘confess’ when their back’s against the wall (often when the pool of faith is drying up) although the confession in itself might be a ‘drip’.
That’s the problem with lying and deceiving – once it’s been allowed to continue or the person has gotten away with it for a very long time, it’s incredibly difficult to know if after their admission, whether you’re standing in reality with them or are standing on the ‘portion’ of reality that they’ve allowed you to. That’s why the last thing you should do when you sense or know that you’ve been lied to or deceived, is to continue and whitewash it with denying, rationalising and minimising. Sure, how does someone who has told a whole load of lies and deceived even know that they’re telling themselves the truth? You believed them when they were lying; now you’re supposed to believe them when they say it’s the truth. Those who lie and deceive can end up lonely with only their illusions to keep them warm at night, especially when the faithful harem of supporters dry up.
We can spend a lot of time wondering or asking why, especially if we feel like we’ve given them everything so that they wouldn’t ‘need’ to lie or plenty of opportunities to tell the truth, but unless you think and act like they do, their behaviour isn’t going to make sense to you. They had a motivation. It’s like trying to think like a sociopath or narcissist and wondering why they do what they do. Unless you’re inclined in that direction, you’re not going to be able to wrap your head around what they’re doing.
That’s why our relationships need to be mutually fulfilling with us standing with our partners in reality. We need to be sure we’re honest with ourselves so that we’re not tempted to deceive ourselves about others and we can trust our own judgment.
Lies and deception hurt. They hurt those around them who get duped and run over in the process and they hurt you if you participate in the bullnuts. Don’t fool yourself – that’s a deception in itself. If you want to live your life authentically, be careful of feeding other people’s BS with your own BS and stick to your own values. It can be hard to face the fact that someone isn’t being truthful with you but continuing to have faith in them doesn’t help you or them.
Our lives are our own statement written over time. When we live a lie, we’re putting out falsehoods and in time we’ll look back and have little substance to hold onto and plenty of regret. It’s better for us to state and live our truth than to spend our time deceiving the hell out of ourselves in order to hold onto people who are deceiving the hell out of us. Stick to a low BS diet. If you live your own truth it’s difficult to live someone else’s incompatible lie.
Your thoughts?
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Post by si-pugut on Apr 15, 2018 6:12:51 GMT -5
Tanda kekasih curang
PERNAHKAH terfikir orang yang kita sayangi mula berubah hati? Jika sebelum ini dia kerap menghubungi bahkan sentiasa punya masa dan bersedia membantu, kini segalanya sudah berubah.
Ramai yang sering mengandaikan kekasih yang dicintai tidak akan berlaku curang. Namun, tahukah bahawa sudah lumrah alam manusia menyukai dan lebih tertarik kepada ses...
Asyik resah melihat jam tangan apabila bersama anda.
Lazimnya anda dan si dia menghabiskan waktu yang lama bersama. Tetapi sejak kebelakangan ini, si dia asyik resah apabila bersama anda dan sesekali menjeling jam tangan seolah-olah ada hal lain yang lebih penting.Si dia juga sering mengejar masa sehingga anda sanggup ditinggalkan berseorangan kerana kononnya ‘ada masalah sedikit’.
Jika situasi ini sering berlaku, anda patut berhati-hati kerana mungkin si dia berjumpa dengan kekasih lain dan anda hanya dijadikan ‘kekasih gelap’ atau sekadar di pinggiran.
Tiba-tiba saja mengadu sakit ketika bertemu janji dengan anda.
Asyik bertemu janji dan berseronok, tiba-tiba saja si dia mengadu sakit dan ingin pulang awal ke rumah.Ada-ada saja sakitnya, sakit perut, pening, lenguh kaki atau rasa hendak demam serta pelbagai alasan sakit sedangkan sebelum ini anda melihat dia sihat dan tidak menunjukkan sebarang tanda untuk jatuh sakit.Apabila anda menawarkan diri untuk menghantarnya ke klinik atau pulang ke rumah, dia menolak bersungguh-sungguh dan ingin pulang sendirian.Kemungkinan dia tidak sakit tetapi mencari alasan untuk melarikan diri daripada anda.
Kerap menolak pelawaan anda untuk keluar bersama.
Jika dulu, si dia ceria apabila anda mengajaknya keluar sama ada menonton wayang, makan atau sekadar bersiar-siar, tetapi kini dia sering menolak dengan 1,000 alasan.Jika si dia keluar pun setelah puas dipujuk dan dirayu. Situasi ini mungkin disebabkan si dia sudah bosan dengan anda dan ingin meninggalkan anda.
Menjadi panas baran dan sering mencari kesilapan anda
Si dia berubah sikap daripada seorang penyayang menjadi pemarah. Kesilapan anda yang paling kecil pun seolah-olah besar baginya dan anda sering dimarahi walaupun di depan orang ramai.Walaupun anda cuba sedaya-upaya mengelak melakukan kesilapan, si dia tetap cuba mencari kesilapan anda. Paling teruk jika si dia sudah tidak segan-silu menengking atau memaki hamun anda disebabkan perkara kecil ataupun kesilapan yang tidak disengajakan.Jika situasi ini berlaku, lebih baik anda meninggalkannya kerana sudah jelas dia sudah tidak lagi menghargai anda sebagai kekasihnya.Mungkin si dia sedang mencari jalan untuk mewujudkan kebencian anda terhadapnya dan berharap anda akan meninggalkannya. Tidak guna merayu lagi kerana layanan buruknya hanya menyebabkan anda menderita.
Sudah tabiat pasangan bercinta, suka membelek-belek telefon bimbit pasangannya tetapi si dia tidak membenarkan anda memegang apatah lagi membelek telefonnya.
Jika si dia jujur dan ikhlas dengan anda, sudah pasti dia membenarkan anda melihat kandungan memori telefon bimbitnya sama ada sistem pesanan ringkas, nama pemanggil mahupun simpanan nombor telefonnya.Dia tidak akan berasa takut atau bimbang kerana kejujurannya pada anda. Namun, sekiranya dia berkeras tidak mahu anda membelek telefon bimbitnya, anda patut berasa curiga.Pada awal percintaan, si dia asyik menelefon anda sehingga berkali-kali dalam satu hari. Sentiasa mengambil berat dan menelefon walau untuk bertanya sudah makan atau belum.Jika suatu hari tidak mendengar suara anda, pasti si dia resah. Tetapi sekarang dia tidak lagi rajin menelefon dan ada kalanya tidak menelefon anda langsung.Anda pula yang terpaksa menelefonnya dan kelihatan terdesak! Apabila ditanya ada saja alasannya dan paling popular ialah sibuk. Tidak lagi rajin menelefon anda
Situasi ini menunjukkan dia tidak lagi berminat dengan anda dan mungkin hanya akan kembali menelefon anda apabila ada kepentingan lain
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